Musings and Suffusings

Block Time

I don't know if some people are actually reading what I put here. I am not really the type of guy who'll bother my whole list in Friendster (composed of friends, pseudo-friends and I-didn't-remember adding-you people) that I have a new crappy blog post by sending each and everyone that email that's bound to hit the trash.

In case you want to know, I am procrastinating again this week because I decided to take a short hiatus from all my writing about parenting, real estate and cash advance loans. You may google those keywords and just maybe you could hit some of the articles I've toiled for the past few weeks. Like now, I know what it feels like to have a brain reduced to the size of a raisin. It's like when you're churning out the same old "mortgage loan" topic to make ten different articles, you probably would feel dried up of your juices. Creative juices, that is. It is actually kind of funny at first when I tried to inhabit other people so that my articles won't sound too similar from each other.

For instance, the parenting blog I was tasked to write in. I had to take the point of view of a mother. She's giving tips to her readers how to start hobbies for their kids like origami or what to do when you take your kids to the park for a picnic or things a mother should do if she decides to take them to a swimming pool...things like that. If I had to write those articles using my point of view, I would have suggested to teach their kids how to kill live chickens for lunch or maybe dissecting frogs as a great pastime during weekends. I actually told my boss that it took a lot of effort dignifying and sanitizing my writing "voice" to fit in that goody-two shoes blog.

As if I had a choice. These topics are the ones driving those precious clicks in websites. Many readers online want to read simple stupid things like "how to have sex" or "how to tie your shoes". I cannot actually imagine how blunt these people can be and later on one would even want to search in google about "how to get a life" too.

Oh well... That's work and I have to take it all in. I can pretend to be stupid because this pays the bills. Maybe I should start reading "how to get a life" soon.

The Only Thing Permanent

"One must never lose time in vainly regretting the past or in complaining against the changes which cause us discomfort, for change is the essence of life."
-- Anatole France

I terribly miss filling nonsense here in this blog. For months, numerous changes had occured.  For one, I am now back here in my hometown (city?). I, being already attuned to living alone in QC, had to gingerly adjust to some circumstances that were a given if you chose to go live again in your parent's house. No.. I am not about to complain. But some things indeed are discomforting.

It's just me actually. The asshole that I am is once again magnified as I seem to antagonize everyone here. Like... "Arrrghh! Where's my breakfast?",  "Whaaat?! You're waking me up because you don't have 200 bucks for the massage?" I am not about to delve into details to cannibalize the lives of other people I terrorize each day here. Am I twisted that I actually enjoy seeing the look in their faces when I do that?

Another that is weird is when I walk to the convenience store nearby. For so many years, I haven't trudged this same street I walked through going to and fro my school. It's like entering a time warp when you remember things you thought you've already forgotten. Surprisingly, it is not the memories that disturb me. It is the "Hey, what the heck are you doing back here?" thing that nags me. And then, rationalize, rationalize... I just don't know how long could I keep on doing that to remain mentally sound.

It might just be the "pulse of the mundane" that grips me in my current maladjustments to change. These thoughts cannot be excised from the time in which it occured. I think change can only be grasped only in time, by a consciousness whose apprehension is structured by the current mindset. Who am I to complain anyway? I chose to be here. Circumstances will probably change again and I could only hope it will be less discomforting.

What's Your Sign Again? (Funny Read)

Taurus(APR19-MAY19): You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and stick-to-it-ivness because you never do anything right the first time. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a fucking asshole.

 

        I came upon this horoscope list while surfing. I have surrendered to think that most of it is ironically true. As for the other zodiac signs, I could never compose myself from laughing by thinking of people I know who fall under it. Here's for the rest of the zodiac signs and remember, denial is always the worst way to confront the things that is real. Read on...

Gemini (MAY20-JUN20):  You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorius for thriving on incest.

Cancer (JUN21-JUL21): You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You always keep putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (JUL22-AUG22): You consider yourself a born leader. Everyone thinks you are an idiot. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo's are thieving mother-fuckers and enjoy masturbating more than sex.

Virgo (AUG23-SEP21): You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your co-workers.You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgo's make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (SEP21-OCT22): You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with with reality. If you are male, you are probably QUEER. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra's die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (OCT23-NOV21): The worst of the lot!!!! You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio's are MURDERED.

Sagittarius (NOV22-DEC20): You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius's are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are indeed a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (DEC21-JAN20): You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken-shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

Aquarius (JAN 21-FEB19): You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatably because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. You enjoy sucking cock.

Pisces (FEB20-MAR19): You have vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting what you mistake as power. You lack confidence and are a general dipstick.

Aries (MAR20-APR18): You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come into contact with. You are a prick!!

Spaces in Between

A thin blue sheet separates us from
the reality of our existence

As my fingers are entwined to yours
We start to grip as one
skin to skin
blood to blood
marrow to marrow

Braving the moonlight and shadows
that prance restlessly beyond the silence
of the half-painted walls
mute witnesses
to this ongoing battle

A debacle of senses
and we begin our lessons to
breathe as one
feel as one
think as one

Beyond the degrees of separation
lie our common ground
Beyond the spaces in between
lie our constant dreams
that we might never forget this night
when you and I cease to become each other's stranger
____________________________________________

An old piece I gathered when I was browsing files. How I miss my unbearable urge to write utter cheesiness... Haha!

Joke Time

Ano ang tawag sa kotse ng mga maarte?
HonDUH

Ano ang tawag kotse ng mga mas maarte?
MazDUH

Ano ang sabi ng maarte sa DOM na nanliligaw sa kanya?
Hellerrrr... You're so matanDUH!!
________________________
Knock, Knock...
Who's there?
Elementary...
Elementary who?
ABCDEFGHIJK Elementary...

Knock, Knock...
Who's there?
High School..
High School who?
Bakit kaya nangangamba...
Sa twing kita'y nakikita...
High Schoolang magpakilala...

Knock, Knock...
Who's there?
College...
College who?
Long, long distance love affair...Wo-Hooo
I can't find you anywhere...Wo-Hooo
I COLLEGE on telephone... But You're never home...

Down and Out

Why is it that some things are gone right at the moment that you need them most? My server's down and my phone line is busted. I am counting 14 hours and I hope their guaranteed 24 hour quick repair service is not merely an ad campaign. The fact that I have to haul my sorry ass out of the house just to check emails, I will really shove to their noses the guarantee seal they are proudly wielding. Gee, I realized how useless scum I can be if I have no internet connection even just for a day. A virtual world for a virtual soul. Gone are the days when you could really hide everything else. Now, when my cellphone beeps, I get frantic. One could even google someone's name, find anyone on friendster and anyone could be a virtual stalker by collecting nitty-gritty infos. Scary thought, huh. Scarier than losing my internet connection. But heck... I want it back badly.

Oh Shoot!

3 AM and you got this 35 page paper running late. You wanted this frappucino so much and all you have is a couple of 3-in-1's. Who wants coffee anyway? You''ll have to settle for the iced juice at 7-11 instead. You already ran out of purified water because of your reverted body clock that made you sleep through the day not calling the delivery and now you're dead thirsty. You even wished you had this teleporting machine that connects you to 7-11. No choice but to decide to haul your sorry ass to 7-11. You get out of the gate and there are a dozen or so dogs romping around the sidewalk. These neighbors! Aren't they supposed to lock their stupid pets inside their premises? No, you're not afraid of dogs. You have dealt with some of these creatures before. But now, there's an army of them. Infront of your gate. If you push on your plan, you'll gonna have to deal with them twice, in going out and returning home with the juice. And that's how I discovered how tap water could never taste so good. Mmm, was that last year when some guy fell off one of Maynilad's large pipes?

Insouciant

The word of the day is "INSOUCIANT" (adj.) carefree: cheerful lack of anxiety or concern. That got me into thinking, how I wish I could  live the rest of my days insouciantly. Being insouciant has both negative and positive connotations. If you're a public official and someone comments that you are an insouciant boor, give him a whack on the head. But if you feel that it's true, let him do the honors of whacking you instead. One couldn't help being insouciant these days, with the EVAT and all. I guess it's not being carefree anymore, but it is the feeling of helpnessness about what our society is turning out to be. Doctors turning into nurses, policemen turning into caregivers, the high prices and the self-serving government officials who have the gall to put posters even at the most insignificant affairs, for the sake of name-recall (Happy Halloween! from Councilor XXXXX). It's desperately surreal, surreally desperate and I don't know how should I feel for most of us. I just came in the province where the bananacue still costs two pesos. The vendor spends 60 pesos to take her products to the market. That's selling 30 bananacues to compensate for the fare alone. On lucky days, she sells about 200 bananacues. That's 400 pesos minus 60 pesos fare . Almost  15  percent actually.  But what about her family's meals, the children's baon, electricity? Evidently, she's selling just to survive living everyday. But she's insouciant about her current condition. She has high hopes that some day one of her 5 kids would make it big. So what's my point about all these insouciance? I guess I can't be more insouciant about making any point at all! Too bad, you're reading this.

Variations on the Word "Sleep"

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.
                   -Margaret Atwood

Acquisitions

Finally I got my landline installed. I also bought a new computer table which I spent the whole day assembling. The day after, I had to gulp two tablets of painkillers because my hands became stiff out of screwing and attaching the table parts. I thought of suggesting that concept to a reality show. Assembling a computer table is one of the more difficult challenges I encountered in my lifetime. The manual isn't much of a help because some parts do not match... screws come in different sizes and it's up to you to figure out which one is for which. If you do something wrong, you'll have to de-screw and do it all over again. And to top it all, I wasn't using a screwdriver. That's the reason why the nailfile on my nailcutter doesn't look as it was before. I just had a dose of reality of having a landline installed inside your room. At 2 AM, you hear your phone ringing. You ignore. And it doesn't stop. Wait! You can't easily turn it off like your cellphone. So I answer. A lady is looking for someone named "Susan". I asked "Susan Roces? Susan Calo Medina? Or Susan Sarandon?" No, she demanded, Susan *****! "Ah, walang Susan na nakatira dito eh... Susana, next time, i-check mo ang number na dina-dial mo. Lalo na kapag tumatawag ka ng alas dos ng umaga. Bye!" There you go.